Honest Questions

1. Why do I fight with God and others?
2. Why do I rebel against the truth?
3. Why do I live on the edge, daring myself to fall over to the bad side?
4. Why do I need the "jazz"?
5. Why do I get my hair cut spikey and the tips highlighted orange?
6. Why do I continue to screw up and fail?
7. Why do I try to make everything funny?
8. Why do I make it a point to live irresponsibly?
9. Why do I argue over things I know aren't right?
10. Why do I act like a 14 year old?

I look at my friends and the women in my church. I feel so different from them sometimes. My mentor and the "lady that I talk to and gives me good advice" both say to just obey, just do it. I wish it was as easy as that. It's like there is this wall standing between me and the right way. Sometimes I'm on top with one leg hiked over but then I don't go. What is the wall and what pulls me back? I think when I can answer this question and apply it to my life, all of my addictions will curb at the same time.